Softball: Recap
For the last few posts, I’ve introduced and explored the idea of softball. I propose that besides the escalation in physical intimacy that is described by the baseball metaphor, there is also an escalation of mental intimacy that is described by my softball theory. I have described several scenarios in the context of softball theory and how different types of interactions will lead to a relationship.
Some questions about softball that you might have:
- You write from a man’s point of view. What do you say about this from a woman’s point of view? I could use more research and focus groups, I suppose.
- What if I really am not ready for all this brutally honest discussion, especially talking about taboo subjects? Don’t push yourself. In the meantime, have “group dates” and have a safe environment to watch how he or she interacts with you and other people. The book, Kiss Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, has some interesting ideas about this. How will you know when you are ready? You know the saying: love hits you when you least expects it; but, I say that dating readiness is a kind of holistic kind of mental state that is not easy to pinpoint. Yes, you better be mentally healthy. (You have to be crazy to be in love, so who am I to say what’s healthy?) Being single is not a disease; it is just a time in your life where you are working on yourself and becoming a better person.
- Can’t I just date without leading to a serious relationship? Yes, you can because it’s a free country. However, it is possible that the person you are dating have different ideas. Be clear about your intentions and learn to talk about the relationship. Key phrase is “going out as a friend.”
- What if I seem to be unable to run the bases? This is usually indicative of both parties not being comfortable with each other to really share and connect. Possible reasons might include:
- No chemistry. That’s just the way it is sometimes. Just move on.
- One or both sides have commitment problems. We are not at every point in our adult single life, ready to get hooked up at the drop of a hat. Perhaps there are career or family issues that need to be dealt with. Remember, you too should ask yourself if you are at a point where a relationship would enrich our lives. You need to be functional as a single person, before you can be functional as a couple.
- (A specific case of a commitment problem) One side is already in a relationship but hasn’t told you. You should just straight up ask if she is single, if you suspect this to be an issue. You can ask this at any point in your interactions. If she asks why, all you need to say is that you want to know and asking the question does not automatically imply anything, even if you are interested in her.
- How does softball correlate to baseball? If you have ran through the bases of baseball, but not the bases of softball, make sure you go back to have the serious discussions. A relationship that without the backing of commitment and mutual understanding will not lead to happiness. There are always exceptions, but you have to trust me on this one.
- Now that you’ve given out the secrets of the universe, isn’t that going to mess everybody up? No, because reading about it and doing it are two very different things. If I had a dollar for every person that read Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and did nothing to further their financial independence, I would be richer than Robert Kiyosaki. But then again, that book really didn’t have very much substance, but we’ll get into that in a different post.
One final observation I have about softball: if you are aggressively pursuing, especially in the context of chasing anything in a skirt, then women will notice. This is not attractive. The softball equivalent is swinging at every single ball that comes your way, even if it is clearly not hittable. Being selective is more attractive as it shows your self-control and your higher standards. This doesn’t mean that you should absolutely avoid all interactions with females; it just means that trying too hard all the time is not the right strategy.
