How to Have Dramatic But Pointless Arguments
(Image originally on Flickr used here under the Creative Commons License.)
Have you ever gotten sucked into an argument with someone that was all-drama and no-results? Welcome to the Drama Triangle! And just to be clear, this is not a good place to be.
The idea of this triangle was first described by Stephen Karpman in 1968, in the field of transactional analysis. We as humans interact with each other in patterns and scripts that are more predictable than you think. The triangle describes a particular scenario where two people are (very often) in an argument. Each person takes on a role corresponding to a corner on the triangle: Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer. Wikipedia has a good description of how each role works and how the triangle plays out.
A peculiar feature of the triangle is that the people ensnared in the drama will switch roles, thereby prolonging the argument and perhaps even taking the drama to another level.
Next time you get caught up in an argument or heated discussion, take a step back and look at the situation: Are you getting ensnarled in the triangle by playing faithfully to one of the roles? Do you feel exhausted by the discussion yet have not proceed any further with resolving the issue?
Apparently, the classic way out of the triangle is to stop playing any of the roles. A non-defensive reflective response seems to be the suggested method.
And for those of you who are wondering… yes I have gotten caught up with this drama more times than I’d like to admit.
