desperate for change

There is something ironic about using intuition to decide that I should sign up on a course about intuition. This is a VSB course called “Intuition: The Goldmind Method”. This is a two week class and I was at the first session last Saturday.

(The teacher, Bryan Doyle, is familiar to me. A few years ago, I was in a class he was teaching at the time about entrepreneurship. I remembered that during last class, he was talking about auras, energies, and the like and how it helped in his own business dealings. I probably got hooked then.)

During the session last Saturday, he talked about many things. Maxwell Maltz. Visualization. Expectations. Creating versus uncovering. Being neutral. Beta, alpha, theta, delta brain frequencies. The Goldmind relaxation exercise. Auras. Source of truth and intuition. Healing. Soul, spirit, mind, body interactions. Dream interpretation (he interpreted some of ours).

Fascinating. I think that deep down, I’d like to belive that I have some Heroes-like abilities waiting to be unleashed.

A friend of mine sent me an email with the following questions, regarding my previous post:

“what’s wrong with a strictly platonic relationship? and so what if it leads to something more, if that’s what both parties want??”

There’s nothing wrong. And indeed if something more happens, it is a legitimate outcome of an initially platonic relationship. The tricky part, of course, is figuring out the “what both parties want” clause. This is basically managing each others’ expectations.

I came across yet another excellent article, this time from Psychology Today. The article talks about the challenges of having such a friendship; the first item on their list is “Defining the Relationship.” When a single guy indicates that he wishes to be “friends” with a single attractive female, there is a non-zero probability of the guy actually wanting something more than a platonic relationship. Ask any guy. Only when the friends get to know one another for a while and have an invested interest in maintaining the status-quo, then we will really be in an honestly legitimate platonic relationship.

My friend’s other question:

“do you sit down with every female friend you have and discuss your expectations/intentions?”

I think that myself personally, it has taken me a while to develop the emotional maturity to manage my own expectations as well as being able to more openly discuss these issues. But in a lot of cases, we typically don’t do a sit-down; we just go with an interpretation of the interactions. For example: are the interactions becoming more frequent and go more in-depth than usual; are there deliberate efforts to get together; are there flirtatious innuendos? These are all hints and desires of the friends wanting to take it to the next level. I think that people’s interpretation of “friendlier than average” vary quite a lot especially in our multicultural society. It is important to normalize interactions in light of a person’s background and operational parameters.

But back to the question – in all the times that a sit-down or the equivalent happens, I am grateful for the clarity and the honesty. (This typically is initiated by the female friend who notices that my expectations are starting to get out of wack.) It is one thing to rationally try to manage one’s own feelings and try to keep things under control; however, we are only human, aren’t we?

The age old question: can men and women be platonic friends? I came across this article on a very excellent blog, which tries to break it down, addressing both views as properly as possible. Speaking of which I have never seen “When Harry Met Sally…”

In the ever-classy Urban Dictionary, the platonic friend is, shall we say, something we break out of a glass jar in case of emergency. Perhaps this explains why the platonic friendship feels kind of unsatisfactory or lacking. Nothing like being a benchwarmer waiting to get in the game.

What are my views? I think that the explanation from “When Harry Met Sally” is the most honest view of this type of situation. Even when your so-called rational thinking mind declares that this is a strictly platonic friendship, there is dark-side of the brain that tells you to take it as far as you can go. All those m4w listings on craigslist’s strictly platonic section? You’re either fooling yourselves or you know the truth.

What about the female friends of mine that might be reading this? If I am keeping a more-than-a-metaphorical-arms-length away from you, it is because I actually do like you in a platonic way and it gets complicated if we get closer than that.

Sometimes I look at actors, politicians, and other very public figures and I wonder how can they withstand all the scrutiny. (Well, except for you, Britney – I know you’re having a tough time so give me a call, okay?)

Having a personal public blog is not that different. As much as I’d like to share every single heartache, every single minor victory, every single dark deed, I know that it might come back to me eventually. Yes indeed, the Internet is a harsh mistress.

So what does this mean? I think that public figures have to hold themselves to a higher standard than the average person. Be more bold, be more generous, be more beautiful, be more successful… just be more.

In a way, I feel that having a blog and actually daring to write personal things is really not that different than being a public figure. I mean – a blog is a very public thing for all your friends, family and coworkers to read right? Did I mention ex-girlfriends and future dates? My goodness, frightening indeed, especially considering that I am actually using my real name.

Must continue boldly forward for all to see; it is more character building than running and hiding.