desperate for change

I am suddenly on a bit of a minimalism muse. Probably prompted by an article about a couple that is living the life and is happy about it. I supposed that in my short moving out stint and car free stint, I’ve have stepped in that direction.

Recently I have been having some minor issues with my Prelude. Nothing major – like a loose connector for one of the headlights and a wheel cap missing from one of my front wheels ($50 to replace from Honda Parts Department). Not so much that it is undrivable, but just enough to annoy and nag me. Sometimes I ignore the nagging, sometimes the nagging gets to me. (Yes, I know the autowreckers is the next stop. Just haven’t gotten around to it.)

I remember a simpler time when I just came out of university. I hardly had any stuff. Heck, I didn’t even have a good computer. I was always happy at how neat and tidy my room was. Can’t say the same about these days.

I think that different people are predisposed for different things. Some people get a bit OCD about neatness and tidiness. Other people isn’t as bothered. Whatever makes you happy.

I think I am actually an on-and-off minimalism guy that has gotten caught up with stuff, money and greed in the last while. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been a tad moody as of late.

It was recently pointed out to me the irony of the title of my blog.

“If you are so desperate for change, how well do you respond to other people trying to change you?”

This was particularly in the context of your significant other.

This is obviously a delicate question. The fact is – I don’t respond very well at all.

The hardest thing in the world to do, is to change somebody. For myself, I automatically detect the change attempt and all kinds of defense mechanisms kick in. As a kid, I hated being told what to do and would prefer to do things myself.

However, there are some legitimate changes that I actually want to do with myself. I have a bunch of “New Year’s Resolutions” that I keep up to date all throughout the year. Wouldn’t someone reminding me about them help me carry these items out?

Ultimately the motivation must come from the inside, not externally. Otherwise, your will to follow through will stop once someone stops reminding you. In fact, you may become annoyed with this person, even though he or she is really trying to help you.

If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.

(That’s a quote from the author of “Le Petit Prince“, Antoine de Saint-Exupery.)

You have to do a root cause analysis to get to your rational for doing what you want to do and change things from the inside out. This is what Anthony Robbins refers to as changing what we link to pain and pleasure. As long as eating junk food gives you pleasure, no amount of nagging will make you think otherwise. Instead, you must link pleasure to eating healthy and link pain to junk food which is filling up your body (or your temple) with filth and garbage.

But back to the original topic – of how I should respond to someone trying to make a change in me. I think that it is important to open your ears to listen (which I do). Then it is necessary to internalize what was said and see if it converts into action.

Easier said than done, haha…

I came across this particularly insightful essay entitled “Social tips for geeks.” I am not insulted at all because this is something I can improve on. In fact, I am quite surprised at the accurate observations.

I love item #4.

Try to talk as little as possible, and when you do speak, only ask superficial questions

Given how I feel about small talk, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to do it just to make everyone feel comfortable. Especially when I bump into the sales guys in the office kitchen.

I don’t think that I was always like this. I swear I was much friendlier and outgoing back in high school than I am these days, despite my nerdy interests like reading, computers and chess. Somewhere along the way I developed this mildly anti-social interaction patterns.

By the way if you enjoyed that particular essay by the author Philip Guo, he has a whole bunch of other wonderful gems:

Attention: Overbearing Asian Parents – There are actually quite a few more posts on his website about this subject.

Some tips for life – All the things I wonder about life in one convenient serving.

Types of Friends – If I blow you off, it’s cause you’re lower on the totem pole. Sorry. This is a pretty taboo topic to be writing about if you think about it.

I like the preciseness of the writing, probably because of my nerdy academic background. And I like how he goes right into tacking some pretty difficult subjects such as the ones in the articles I picked out. I may not wish to write in his style, but one day, I sure would like to be able to write with as much impact as he has.

Step 1: Read GTD the book.

I haven’t gotten around to doing all the things that I should have been doing. I feel like I am on the brink of dropping the ball on something important. Sure, I have my to-do list on my computer but day-to-day, the inertia of having to turn on my computer to look at it is leaving me pretty ineffective.

I think back to when I was in high school: I was getting things done left and right and never felt like I had any “open loops.” I suppose that as a part of becoming an adult, we start to carry more and more projects and responsibilities. The system that worked for me as a student is no longer effective.

If this is the first time you’ve heard about “Getting Things Done,” a quick google should lead you to many praises and props about GTD. I just got the book and I am getting a high just from the thought of getting organized and productive. Maybe I’ll get a little more regular with my blogging again!