desperate for change

Besides this very public blog, I have also been keeping private journal entries. In these private entries, I am able to really look back at 2007 and ask where the hell all the time went.

2007 has really been a slacker year for me, in terms of career and work. On the other hand, it has been personally productive: I think I have figured out what I want to be doing 5, 10, 20 years from now. For the longest time, I have been unable to personally make any long term plans – not sure why, just lack of perspective I suppose: it is like being short so you end up not being able to see too far down the path.

And for those of you not in the know, I have met someone wonderful. I would say that meeting her has been one of the most life-changing things in my life. (Hi honey! I love you!) It has certainly made 2007 a year to remember.

On the whole, I am feeling pretty awesome these days. So awesome that I don’t even feel like making any new year resolutions. The fact of the matter is, we can really make resolutions any time, any where we feel like. When I was reading 4-Hour Workweek, it was back in June and I was visiting my sister in LA – it sure didn’t stop me from doing the exercise from the first part of the book, which was making a list of 6 month and 12 month goals. And yes: getting a blog up was one of those 6 month goals. Sure, I didn’t finish off the entire list but I am certainly 100% better than moping around wondering what I should do with my life.

Looking back at my private journal entries also seem to reveal an interesting pattern. They seem to nearly neatly fall into three categories:

1. Backwards looking – For perspective and how past events has lead to that point in time.
2. Event recording – Simply making a note of a particular day’s events. Also records emotions and feelings of a particular day.
3. Future looking – Goal setting, direction setting. Usually in response to something that I am unhappy with or unsatisfied with.

Sometimes, all three will appear in a single day’s entry. I guess that I really have been making resolutions every time I write a “future looking” entry.

Okay I change my mind – I would like to make one new year’s resolution: I would like to write more entries for alfredpang.com! I would like to thank those of you who have personally told me that they find my writings interesting. It is very encouraging and I hope to have much, much more for you in 2008.

I have one fanatic reader that has been giving suggestions to me about how I can make my posts more interesting. One suggestion in particular is that I should let my audience get to know me better through my writings.

I think that I am usually reserved and private so the idea of putting myself out there is not an easy one to embrace. Here goes anyways – five ideas that I have been thinking about recently:

1. Startups – Instead of trying to do something original and wacky, try doing something that everyone will use. Specifically, I should think about dull, boring but useful applications. The market is big enough to support Yet Another Version of whatever you are doing. Just look at the success of 37signals – their products are the epitome of dull, boring but useful. (Don’t get me started about how Ruby on Rails makes everything sexier.)
2. Options – I remember looking at options trading about 5 years ago but then decided against it at the time. My rational at the time was that there didn’t seem like there was enough trading volume or interest and there was a pretty large spread. However, things seem to have picked up enough to warrant another look.
3. Trading – I am currently reading My Life as a Quant by Emanuel Derman. A pretty geeky read but quite interesting. One of the things that he likes to write about is the difference between the traders and the quants (quantitative analysts). Traders has all these tools to help them with the decisions, but ultimately it takes a lot of guts to pull the trigger to actually make the correct trade.
4. Career – The other recurring theme of My Life as a Quant is the idea of an evolving career. He started out as a physicist, then moved briefly into a programmer role in the C and UNIX heydays, and then finally as an analyst on Wall Street. While the decisions for the transitions were not necessarily deliberate plans, sometimes fate whispers things in your ear to guide you to where you should go.
5. Time Management – An exercise that I once did was to analyze where the 24 hours of a day go. I probably could have skipped watching 1.5 hours of TV without drastically affecting my quality of life (Futurama, Pinky and the Brain, Naruto). Then again, you need to have a bit of R&R now and then.

I am not sure where I really am at these days. I sure wish that fate would whisper just a little louder for me.

I have been going at this blog for about a month now. I am glad to have a few human readers. Some interesting observations so far:

• When I tell people I have a blog, the most skeptical of the bunch usually ask if it is a spam blog. I tell them no, but I wish I got a better comeback line. Like: “I have over 10,000 of readers and I can rally them for my personal army.”
• I look at the popularity of other blogs and get subscriber envy. Success is about putting in the time and effort, consistently.
• I started out with the intention to go daily, but after a while, I think that I would rather have quality posts, rather than quantity. I mean, who likes filler episodes anyways?

In a radical twist of fate, I have been employed again at a company that I used to work for (ironically right after my response to Working Dead). And yes it was might awkward trying to tell people where I’ve been since I left the last time – it is kind of like an exercise in what have I done in the last five years that is worth mentioning:

• I originally left to take “an offer I couldn’t refuse.” The offer did not make me rich beyond my wildest dreams unfortunately.
• I now have this extra piece of paper that says I am a Masters of sorts. I have access to alien technologies which don’t seem to help too much in my day-to-day work.
• I’ve acquired some ballroom dancing skills and picked up a random trophy in competition.
• I’ve vacationed in Europe and some US cities. Having visited Disneyland this summer of 2007, I can die happy now.
• I’ve entertained the idea of a Web 2.0 startup. Emphasis on entertained.
• I have a one month old blog.

Generally, if you don’t do long term planning with your life, you won’t have much to show for. I used to think that it is too hard. If I can pass on any word of advice to a younger version of myself: plan, dream big, and follow through; otherwise you will just end up going around in circles. As I have done to myself, in the most literal sense.

While my Odyssey seems to have been cut off at a critical point, I would say that I better be working with a regular paycheck, rather than getting really desperate for change (of the panhandling variety). Speaking of coins, I noticed that I seem to be getting more American coins in my Canadian change. In the old days, I used to do a victory dance for getting a fractional amount more value. These days, I look at the American coins and feel like I got ripped off.

Back to the change in employment status, I hope that it won’t slow me down too much in terms of delivering some quality posts.

How to be remarkable is a timeless post by Seth Godin as mostly advice on how to stand out a bit more at your day job. Some of the advice lends itself naturally to dating and attraction.

Being remarkable gives you an advantage, not just in obvious results of better better at what you do. It leads to a snowballing effect of people noticing you and build up a mindshare of your remarkableness. Simply put: being remarkable makes you even more remarkable.

So what kinds of things would make you remarkable? Perhaps you have an amazing career. Or maybe you excel at your hobby. For some women, this means driving a certain type of car (but let’s really not go there, for niceness’s sake). Apparently, my thing is ballroom dancing. Heck, I am not up to Mark Cuban’s level of competitiveness, but I enjoy what I do a whole lot.

One thing I worry about with my blog is being too blah and average. I want to push hard to have something original. Something that is timeless and classic. Something remarkable.