desperate for change

So I went to church last Sunday; a friend invited me to go. For the last while, I seem to be on a roll of getting out there and doing different things so accepting the invitation was only natural. It’s been a while since I’ve gone and it felt right being there, even if I am not the enthusiastic, Jesus loving, happy-happy believer I once was, once upon a time.

I thought about not mentioning this at all on my blog. I mean, for most people, religon is a pretty private matter. It’s right up there with talking about personal finances, sex, and medical issues. Why is it so hard to just come right out and say it? Try this quote on for size:

“Startlingly, this great sceptic, this non-guru who believes in nothing, is still a practising Christian.” -Times Online article on Nassim Taleb.

I came across an article on Nassim Taleb, of the Black Swan fame. The tone of the writer shows how harshly one is judged based on one’s religious beliefs, especially in the context of how it affects our job. If you are a politican these days, your religious beliefs could potentially make or break you, depending on what kind of mood the press is in.

I wonder if people gave Pascal a hard time?

Last summer, I started a conversation with a stranger at a random social gathering. At the time I was searching and I was willing to take suggestions from just about anybody. By the end of the night, the man (who was in a drunken stupor at this point) said this to me: “I’m sorry Alfred, I can’t tell you what to do with your life.” It was the truth. It is up to me to decide what is good and right for me, no matter what other people say. As helpful as this man wanted to be, he wasn’t in the position to call the shots for me.

I wouldn’t say that going to church is an unbeaten path, but I am interested in seeing where it takes me.

In our previous episode, our not-so-anonymous hero decided to call it quits for a while and take a break. Honestly, it was refreshing to not have any buzzing (i.e. thinking) in my head.  Brainless zombie good.

Then all of a sudden, it started again. How should I put it? The voice of some nagging phantom/narrator: “Alfred, you’ve rested for long enough, shouldn’t you be getting back on your quest?”

The quest of course is still resolving this odyssey business.

A friend of mine (i.e. voice of reason) recently pointed out to me, that I was still searching. I asked him straight up: how does one resolve this “searching” business.  His answer: it all comes down to figuring out what is important to you, right now and in the future.

For some reason, I went on to read up on something Paul Graham wrote: The essay where he was addressing the high schoolers. He suggests that instead of working towards a goal, we should “stay upwind.” I would paraphrase this in RPG analogy: while you are waiting for the plot to advance, you should kill monsters and level-up yourself. Staying upwind keeps you being productive instead of spending too much time fantasizing about the pie in the sky.

So, looks like I have two high-level goals to be working on:

• figure out what is important to me
• stay upwind

I think that the next couple of posts will be me trying to work through these items.

I just got a postcard in the mail from my vacationing friends. Normally I like to put up postcards at my cubicle at work, but I think I’ll just keep this one at home for a bit.

You probably don’t need me to tell you that if you don’t like your work, you are dying a little bit inside every day. In that case, going straight to hell is going to be the most direct way to your final destination. I think that it takes a lot of courage to admit that the ship is not going the right way and a course correction is in order.

(Moving away from the metaphoric hell is probably best.)

When I was still at school last winter, I checked out the career planning programs at the counselling services. I started off with a quick 15 minute drop-in appointment with a counsellor who told me about the different sessions and personality tests that they offered. Sign me up please!

One of the “live” sessions that I attended involved various exercises using various types of cards. One exercise was called the Skills Card Sort, which involved taking a stack of about 40 cards. Each card has a skill (as a verb) and a short description. Then we had some time to sort the cards by our strength in that particular skill.

Here are my top 21 skills (randomized):

• motivate
• invent
• analyze
• listen
• synthesize
• implement
• entertain
• organize/plan
• coach
• evaluate
• initiate
• compose
• design
• coordinate
• maintain records
• budget
• estimate
• delegate
• monitor
• problem solve
• expediate

I think part of finding something that we like to do involves playing to our strengths. What skills are you good at? In what arena do you excel at? What skills not in my top 21 can you think of for yourself?