desperate for change

I read a ton of stuff on the Internet. Sometimes something I read clicks with something that comes up in conversation. When the click happens, I can’t remember where I read this and that. But anyways…

The article or blog post that I was reading was talking about how friendships develop. It talks about how when growing up, our friends and social circle is determined by the institutions that we belonged to, namely schools. Whether it be elementary school, high school or university, you make friends with the people in your classes. Your commonality with the friends made in this era was mostly the fact that you take the same bus together and make fun of a certain science teacher.

What happens when you graduate and move on from school? Some friendships can endure the transition and grow together with you. Some friendships grow apart as we all find our own path and institutions.

The article (the reference to which I can’t remember), mentions that as adults, we are and should no longer be bound by our institutions and we should be able to find and keep the friends who we really really like and enjoy, rather than just make friends just based on the circumstances of being in the same math class. I mean, who really enjoys math anyways? Okay I DO I DO, *hand shoots up*. Well, after Computer Science classes that is.

I think that part of growing up and growing old is this natural ebb and flow of people in our lives. In small villages where life is more static, this is less so. But in a modern city, especially with the ever prevalent job-changing (by choice or not), people will come into our lives as well as fade from importance. I personally feel guilty about the latter: suddenly one day you are having coffee in the morning and then you think of someone you haven’t talked to in a long time. Then you suddenly have an awkward feeling about being out of touch for so long. You feel so awkward that you can’t bring yourself to pick up the phone or hit send on the email.

Or at least that’s how I feel.

Now let me tell you what it’s like to be on the receiving end of getting a hello from an old friend who was in town during Christmas. Not only did he say hello, he also had a gift for me to remind me of the old days. I sure miss the hustling and gaming and the many many hi-jinks.

Honestly, I was pretty choked up when I got it. Thanks for remembering.

I must have done something right in my past life.

Last night I went to see the Snowball Classic with my non-dancing friend. I wasn’t planning on going but we were just talking one night and I casually mentioned it to her as something that is pretty big in the  Vancouver dancing community. The next day, she called me up to tell me that she wants to get some tickets for us to go together.

For my dancing friends that read this blog, you may (or may not) have noticed my reduction in my dancing activity. I mean – there was a time when I was doing ballroom and/or going to salsa classes multiple times a week. Honestly, I was in a bit of a burnout of going so hard, nowhere fast.

In a way, it was starting to have a similar feel to my startup-attempts a while ago: a lot of grind and energy spent without much results or much to show for. I was starting to feel like a robot shuffling from class to class and not having as much fun as when I started.

I still enjoy the friendships that I have made throughout my dancing activities. And most absolutely, I will go out for the occasional social outing. I mean, aren’t you dying to go dancing at Robson Square this summer? However, I won’t be pushing myself just for the sake of pushing myself. I am just going to keep it fun for myself.

I mean, there are so many other things to try and do right?

Here are the results from my survey:
http://alfredpang.com/2009/12/how-many-bank-accounts/

I know I don’t have many readers; combined with the fact that most people are kind of private about their finances, I am pleased with my 3 entries for the informal survey. I also received some private emails and communications regarding this particular subject.

Despite what the experts are saying, I am feeling that most couples are running things with one shared account.

In the case where it is NOT one shared account, there is a gamut of different ways to structure the finances – mainly to ensure that things are fair for both husband and wife.

If you get married, how do you want your finances to be arranged?

• one shared account
• two separate accounts
• one shared account, and two personal accounts (3 accounts)

I recently conducted an informal survey among recently married couples and people at various stages of relationships. The majority prefer and are using the one shared account system. This has been the traditional way of organizing finances and is simplest. The “downside” is that you have to trust that your partner is adult enough not to empty the account and put it on red at the roulette table.

In my recent search for popular advice on this subject, the experts seem to be recommending the 3 accounts system, implemented in a transparent fashion. That is, even if the two personal accounts are to be used by each person as they see fit, the amount of money going into these accounts would be known by both parties. I think that this advice mostly grew out of the divorce rate that we have been observing for the last few decades.

Perhaps I am being exceptionally naive in my list of options. What should happen in the two accounts, 50/50 expenses situation if the wife gets pregnant? What about changes in the job situation? The one account setup is superior in handling these exceptional, yet typical, situations.

If you are keen, please fill out my survey. Thanks!