Softball: Pushing Through
You may be more familiar with the speed-seduction style of getting physical with a woman, you are probably wondering why shouldn’t everyone just embrace the sophisticated NLP driven technology? Softball theory just seems so old-school by comparison.
So today, I would like to simply ask the question? Is all this necessary? Why talk-talk-talk when all we want to do is just to get into bed with a woman? Certainly with enough drinks or hormones, it is bound to happen. Heck, with enough cash in the right part of the world, it can happen as often as you like.
I think Peck’s “The Road Less Traveled” has an interesting explanation of the phenomenon. We as humans growing up have ego boundaries. These boundaries can be looked at as our sphere of influence, as well as a forcefield to keep us from harm. When real love develops, it is an enlarging of our boundaries to include the ones we are developing a relationship with. When we are having sex without love (or even the uncontrollable hormonal act of merely falling in love), we are experiencing a “partial and temporary collapse” of our boundaries. Once the physical act is done and we have come to our senses, the boundaries will go back to the way it was and at that point, we will have the OMG-what-the-hell-happened moment.
While Peck appears rather harsh about the idea of falling in love, he speaks the truth: “Falling in love is effortless. … Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not.”
What does the bases of softball accomplish, in terms of building a relationship? The conversation and discussion needed to “run the bases” are all about getting to know one another better. This ensures that what you are developing is not a bubble that would pop under duress. The taboo discussions of second base is an important mechanism in expanding your boundaries. If you cannot handle difficult conversations in a controlled setting, you are already in trouble.
A real relationship takes effort. Learn to run the bases and work at it.
The quotes and ideas come from the Falling in “Love” chapter of the Love section, of “The Road Less Traveled” by M. Scott Peck.
